Fresh from a short spell in prison for driving without a licence, ladles and jellyspoons, I give you...

Paddy Hilton.

Thanks AJ! I won't tell him it was you. Oops! Sorry!

He has spent most of the morning playing old TV themes. Instead of, you know, presenting a radio show. And I was all ready to start slagging him off again.

And then he played the theme from "The Mysterious Cities of Gold". So now I can't.

Mmmm. Spicy chicken wrap. Chicken bake. Proper scotch egg from the butchers. And the sun came out while I was in the shop.

Last one ever, I promise.

Cos she didn't have one.

Because I have so far spent over 33 hours of my life playing The Legend of Zelda - Twilight Princess. Although I left it unpaused by accident for about 6 hours, so it's really 27 hours. Like that's any better.

Sat watching first series re-runs. Veeeery funny!

Hope they do another series. Yes yes yes I do.

So, for those few people on my friends list who aren't on Paddy's list - we are moving to Galway!

Date is set for the weekend of the 14th September. Lots of notice for Social Services to sort out another placement for R, and plenty of notice for work to Advertise for replacements.

Feel bad about R, but he is mature for his age and took the news very well when we told him earlier. Very pleased with him. We'll keep in touch.

Is there a blog.ie...?

Have another one of these:

...cos I had egg and chips for tea. Nyam nyam indeed.

I know I was going to bed, but look!

What a div.

And with that, I bid thee good night.

I think Charley is the most obnoxious individual on the planet.

She is argumentative, two-faced, hypocritical, vain when she has no right to be, and worst of all, she is a nasty person.

She brings nothing positive to the house. She is there to stir things up and create conflict.

And as for the shopping list... Are they all stupid? Whose idea was it to split the budget between them? They all seemed to say it was silly afterwards. Did nobody realise that if they all order 2 loaves of bread each, and 2 packets of pasta, and a tub of margerine, that they will have a food mountain to rival Everest! Everything is going to be duplicated. Where are they going to put it all?

And as for Charley trying to change her order after the event - why should she be allowed to? They were given an hour, they went over that time anyway, and if she is stupid enough to spend half her money on tobacco and the other half on bread, she deserves to starve. Stick to your guns, BB.

Oh God Charley is a bitch! Utter utter cow. Just watching the "conversation" task. Gerry commented that he thought she was showing off - and she lost the plot. Again.

CLICKY

Yeah, I know, I'm a geek.

Roll on 6pm!

I get the distinct impression that Charley wanted to make sure the producers noticed what Emily said in the garden.

Emily said "Nigger". Charley and Nicky went "oh my God, you're gonna be in trouble now"

Emily said it wasn't a big deal, and she didn't mean it nastily, and to stop talking about it.

About 637 times, Charley said, "I can't believe you just said that!" and each time, Emily said "don't make a big thing about it". And a few seconds later, Charley would say, "I can't believe you just said that!"

Don't worry Charley, they saw it.

Do we like the new blog design? Not finished yet, but some opinions would be good!

This my mom and dad's new kitten. She is teeny tiny and friendly and pretty and gorgeous and cute and lots of other adjectives.

She is also a freak. She has what appear to be opposable thumbs. She could send you a text message if she was so inclined. And had a mobile phone. This is the main reason my parents have her. My dad was all, "no, we're not having another cat", and then when he saw Fliss, he was like, "Oh, OK, I suppose we can have a cat" - despite the fact that nobody asked.

She looks like she is wearing mittens!

And look, here is a close up of the pads - six pads!

At work, I just commented "I thought it was supposed to be sunny today!"

Our resident mad girl replied "I think it is behind the clouds."

You don't say!

Chris Moyles has been on Radio 1 for 87 years (feels like). I would expect more from him than five minutes of Comedy Dave wailing along to some random TV theme tunes each morning. It was sort of funny once. Now it makes me want to shove my licence fee down his fucking throat.

DO SOME FUCKING PRESENTING ARSE FACE!

Ok. Here are my entries for Meno's Numpty Awards.

I got a bit drunk (well, a lot, really) and fell asleep in a toilet cubicle in a nightclub. Mid "go", as it were. Nasty.

And I told this joke -

What's blue and doesn't fit?

A dead epileptic.

- to a girl whose brother was both dead and had epilepsy. (still love that joke, btw!)

...that the retards in the Big Brother house would fucking learn that THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT NOMINATIONS!!

I am of course talking about Ziggy and Emily.

After being reprimanded for discussing nominations ALL AFTERNOON at bedtime they start again!

Twat heads.

That's it, kids...suckle Daddy's sugar ball.

The bit with the hammock is one of my favourite ever Simpsons bits.

I suppose I should post something, seeing as I haven’t posted properly for ages.

So we went to Ipswich in May. I know Paddy blogged about it, but I feel like I should too. We stayed with Paddy’s old mate Kev and his now civil partner/husband – not quite sure about the terminology!

They live in a harbour-view apartment, which is lovely. They are close enough to walk into town, despite what Paddy may say, and it’s a really nice little town.

We had the stag party in a club, and Paddy was the entertainment, which was a new experience for me! He has been in “retirement” since before we met. It went down well, and everyone enjoyed themselves (apart from the manager who looked like she was gonna kill him when he threw water all over the club).

It took us around 75 minutes to walk home; it should have taken about 15.

The next day saw us in Aldeburgh, a little coastal town which remound us of Llansteffan. A row of little (and some not so little) houses on the sea front. We stopped for a drink and some fish and chips, and then it was home for a session on the Wii! Maaarvellous.

Kev and Mike took us to Ramsholt on the Friday, a teeny tiny place consisting of the estuary/river, a pub (which did some fantastic food!) and a pretty little church where pirates were buried. Or not. We think they were grave diggers now.

Friday night we left Mike at home shaking like a leaf and went out for a meal with Kev and his friends Steven and Ellie. We had a lovely time, and after a brief soujourn to their place for a drink, we went back to the flat for the night.

Saturday saw us leaving Mike in the capable hands of Dave, and went round to Steve and Ellie’s to get ready for the ceremony. We had a fantastic breakfast, and some champagne, and all to soon the cars arrived and a very nervous Kev got in and was whisked away to the hotel.

The ceremony was just right, not too short, not too long, with some obviously heart-felt readings from friends.

The weather was lovely for the photographs. We spent a good while outside drinking and chatting before going in for the meal, which was perfect. Speeches followed, and then a trip up to our room for a shower and freshen-up before going back downstairs for the party.

I got quite merry, and, along with Steve and Ellie, we were the last to go to bed! After playing with some helium balloons, anyway.

We were up at the crack of breakfast on Sunday to drive to Birmingham for the dress rehearsal for the show. Joy!

Rehearsal went well, we took 800+ pictures, to try to ensure we had some good ones. We just about managed it. Then we had to drive home!

The next weekend, my parents came down to visit. After having such fun on Kev and Mike’s, we also got Paddy a Wii as an early birthday pressie. We spent much of the weekend playing tennis and bowling and baseball and more. Sore arms.

The weather was a bit dodgy so we didn’t do much really, went out for a meal on Sunday, went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3, ate lots of bread and brie (mmmmm). Played tennis on the Wii.

And so to last weekend.

Friday, Paddy’s birthday. We drove up to Birmingham, straight to Paddy’s mom’s house for tea, got changed, left the kids in her capable hands and headed off to Bacchus. Went to the bar, and got accosted by a pirate and a dominatrix who identified themselves as Old Nick and Abilene, who promptly threw her wine down herself and me.

We also met Mr S and Mrs F, had a drink and a chat while we waited for the others to arrive. Genuine people, very very friendly.

Not entirely sure in what order this happened but Juzzzy (does exactly what it says on the tin) and Rowtheboat (stunning, and friendly, and lovely) and some of our non-blog friends arrived, and also VirginBlog (not what I expected!).

After a while, we moved on to Snobs – I was sure to warn people to use the toilet before we left Bacchus to help stave off their first visit to the bogs in Snobs – and positioned ourselves in our customary place by one of the bars. Cheap drinks, sporadic dancing and shouty conversations.

We left and went for chicken pakora at Top Nosh, which is the official food for apres Snobs. Taxi home (which was bargainously cheap!) and we fell into bed – with me forgetting to have any water or anything to drink before hand.

Despite not drinking water (or at least coke) I had no hangover (yay!) and after a shower we headed off to my parents’ house. Paddy went into town to meet blog people for lunch, and I ate about 37 of my mom’s fantastic fried egg sandwiches.

We went into Solihull for the show. We got there at around 6pm, but time flew until 7pm when the show started. We cocked up at least once in every one of our numbers, but we had a laugh and it’s all for a good cause, so what the heck.

VB came out for a drink after the show, and we went to the Barley Mow. Drinking, dancing, chatting. A good night all round.

I think that’s quite enough for now. And I don’t think I’ve said anything original at all. Oh well.

And I don't mean L Ron, either.

Who loves ya, baby? I do!

x